You just announced you are getting married, and discovered that everyone wants to be in your wedding party. Choosing bridesmaids is an important and difficult decision. While there are some traditions and trends, this information should answer most of the questions about choosing bridesmaids.
Traditions and Trends to Choosing Bridesmaids
Traditions linger and trends change over time, making all the rules about choosing bridesmaids your own. Traditionally, brides and grooms have an equal number of men and women in their wedding party. However, trends indicate that this is not a requirement anymore. While tradition created the rules about the minimum and maximum number you should have in your wedding party based on a formula that factors the number of guests in attendance and the size of the ceremony space, trends have also tossed these rules out the window.
Couples are choosing uneven and unmatched numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen, and some are even choosing bridesmaids that are really bridesmen. The trends say that tradition does not govern your wedding party, and you can choose any number, any gender, anyone and every guest in attendance, if that is the way you envision your dream wedding.
The Fear of Hurting Feelings when Choosing Bridesmaids
Every bride must decide on their magic number of bridesmaids to have in the wedding party, and will ultimately need to choose that number from among close friends and family members. It is completely human to allow the deciding factor be the fear of hurting feelings when choosing bridesmaids, but fear of hurting feelings should not be the decision maker.
Before we start making decisions about choosing bridesmaids that might hurt feelings, let’s think about what bridesmaids are and are not. Bridesmaids are your close friends and family. Bridesmaids are your close circle of besties and supporters. Bridesmaids are college friends, childhood friends, sisters and best friends. Bridesmaids are the people that know you inside and out, hold your secrets and help you carry the weight. Bridesmaids are not your groom’s family, unless you are extremely close to them. Bridesmaids are not the wife or girlfriend of your groom’s best man or groomsmen, unless you have a very special relationship with them. Bridesmaids are not people that you do not like or people you do not trust. It is likely that a few faces and thoughts came to mind as you read the who is and who is not a bridesmaid.
Choosing Bridesmaids and Not
Now that it is time to start choosing bridesmaids, it is a good time to prepare the special way you will ask and the special explanation you will give to those you didn’t. The person that you will ask to be your bridesmaid will likely be someone so close to you that it would not matter how you ask. However, getting creative with ways to propose to your bridesmaids is a new trend. You can be as creative as decorating a gift box and placing the message inside or as simple as just picking up the phone.
When you start to get bombarded with the disappointed friends and family, avoid the family feud and be prepared with your explanation. Express how you value your relationship with them, and how you wish you could have all your special people by your side. Explain that you had to limit your decision to a certain few, and explain that you reserved special functions in the wedding for them. You can tell them that you wanted to place them in charge of greeting and seating guests or give them another important wedding function to make them feel important and part of the event. You can give close friends that did not make it into the wedding party a special VIP seating arrangement. They can wear matching dresses and lead the entry of the wedding party down the aisle by entering first and taking their seats in the front. If they make you feel bad about your decision, you made the right decision not to choose them as your bridesmaid.
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